Sunday, December 27, 2009

Marry (late) Chirstmas: Here's a poem

‘Twas the Night before Christmas

And all through out the planet

Only one creature was stirring

Causing horror and Panic

For to night of all nights

The Stars were all right

To awaken Chutulu

And start endless fright

Chutulu emerged, from his slumber

Deep with in the Sea

And onto land he lumbered

Causing all Hell to break free

Across the nation

Cultists shouted with glee,

Killing and rapping

In mad ecstasy

The Deep ones, from Innsmouth

Arose from sea beads

And celebrated the occasion

With some Fried human heads

But what’s this?

A fat man, all dressed up in red!

He’s approaching Chutulu!

Does he wish he was Dead?

Oh, look! He’s rolling up his sleeves!

Is he going to try hit Chutulu?

Is that what this means?

And the Men in reds’ fits

Hit there target with a mighty BASH

And Great Chutulu flew back into sea

Returning with a Splash

And so here’s a quick message,

To all old God’s of the night

Be good this Christmas

Or Santa will punch out your lights

Friday, December 18, 2009

Avatar review

For a movie that is basically Dances with wolves IN SPACE it more than lives up to hype.

I mean, It' s as if James Cameron took everything he did in Terminator, Aliens, and Titanic and combined them into a 3d-furry Voltron (That sentence was paraphrased from my friend Nathan. Please do not kill me, Nathan. I have kids. Somewhere. Maybe.)

Anyhow: here's a random list of thing I liked about the film:

1)I like how theirs pseudo-scienictentific explanation for the stand red Mystic-nature-Mambo-Jambo going on. makes some latter scenes make more sense, rather then coming off as cheese.

2) The 3d effects are more subtle than, "Ahhh, theirs a spear in your face!" It Plays into the background giving the whole thing a sense of Being "Real" so to speak

3) The main antagonist is possible the most crazy bad-ass character in the entire film. The Dude kicks open an airlock , marches into a toxic Atmosphere without an oxygen mask . He doesn't need one-He has extra oxygen tanks stored in his massive balls

4) You know, the pilot lady (Learning character names is for squares, man) is pretty much the same character as Private Vasquez from Aliens

5) I did not realise that Sigourney Weaver was in this movie until the credits rolled

6) The Giant Robots are equipped with gigantic Combat knives. Okay, Who has that kind of Foresight? Who says to themselves "Okay, just in case we end up fighting 6-foot tall Smurfs riding giant cats, we're going put a Giant Combat Knife on the robot?" Whose equipping this army, Batman?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

2 post? in the same month!?! Surely, the end times are upon use!

No, they're not, post-title thingy. And don't call me "Shirley"

I found this blog/Gallery called Concept ships. It's basically Spaceship/plane porn.

And it's awesome . They also have a sister site called (creatively enough) concept robots.

And it's also awesome.

No, seriously.

Would I even think of using italics inaccurately? (Don't answer that)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Back from the Dead

Hello, My non-existent Audiences! Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, And I have returned to the inter-webs for no real reason.

Here's some more posters:

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

More Video game rock opear awasomness

Guess What? the Protomen Have new album, Act II: The Father of Death

Here's a Sample;
(For some reason, I can't embed youtube videos, A little help?)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

This made me smile

I Found this on Daily Scans

I Swear to God, if I ever end up writing Superman, this will be come canon. It just seams like something he'd do, you know?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Story time, Kids! Stop eating Glue and listen!

To make up for my compelte lack of updates, Here's a stoty I wrote. Steal it and I will hunt you down and eat you

For Want of a Tie
For want of a nail, the shoe was lost; For want of the shoe, the horse was lost; For want of the horse, the rider was lost; For want of the rider, the battle was lost; For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost, And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
-Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac

The Scientists gathered around, wearing lab coats over their hundred dollar suits and ties, which was uncomfortable and kind of hot, but it looks nice, which was the point. They had spent months of effort to break back the laws of nature itself and goddamn it, they were going to do it in style. The machine the had spent all this time working on was resting humbly in the center of the room, a gleaming box that went up to around your kneecaps, had a slightly lower platform in the center of it, and also possessed four tall electro-rods around it (the platform, that is). Half this stuff wasn’t necessary, especially the hot rod-esq. Flames, which were green, but they came under budget and it was either unnecessary cosmetics or several tons of spray cheese, and after Bob’s diabetic seizer they weren’t going to that again. It had one, singular all-important (or at least ridiculously cool) purpose.

To travel to Parallel Universes (DA-DA-DAAAAAA!)

I told it was a cool Purpose.

Now, you might by saying “Parallel Universes? Isn’t the stuff of bad science fiction?” Well, you’d be wrong. This is good science fiction, if you don’t mind me saying. The Poor Bastard that they gotten to take the maiden voyage of the shiny-Death-Box was an All-American hero, except he wasn’t American, and was thrown out of the Cub scouts for Throwing a 5-year old boy at an angry bear and running into a nearby cave. He was found in hours latter in the fertile position, after the search parties followed the trail of tears, piss, and menstruation blood. (Nobody wanted to ask about the last one).
He slowly, carefully, stepped onto the machine, and then onto to platform with in. One of the scientists hit a big red button labeled “Start” (coincidently, this was the same scientists who designed the control panel. He was a man that took things very literally).

The Electro-rods started spinning faster…and faster…till they were just a sold blur. And then they spun faster, just to show off. Lighting circled around the machine like the rings of Saturn. Critical mass was about to be reached. The rings of electricity reached their epoch, becoming a blazing light, a shinning beacon of science, a lighthouse of the impossible made possible, the Olympic torch of sheer awesomeness! And then, it slowed down…and stopped… the Scientists huddled closer to machine, to see what had come thru…

It was that poor dumb test pilot, seemingly unchanged.

The Scientists had prepared for this. They reasoned that their counterparts on the nearest parallel universe would try the same experiment as them, and use the same poor bastard, or his counterpart, at any rate. They quickly began bombarding him with questions:
“Who was the first president?
“Um, George Washington.”
“Who won World war II?”
“Ah, the allies…”
“What time traveling 80s scientist was named after a famous Play write?”
“Uh, Sam Beckett…?”

And so on, for hours. They had run out of questions, and were about to grudgingly admit that the machine had done nothing more than create an impressive light show and sell it to the nearest carnival, when the test pilot said to one of the scientist, “Weren’t you wearing a blue tie earlier?” The scientist in question (Robert) was wearing a hideous green tie. “No” He replied, “I’ve been wearing this all day…” The other scientist’s jaws dropped. Finally, one said, “Wait, so the only, and repeat, only difference between our universe and yours, is that, that, Rob wore that filthy, disgusting tie to work today!?!”

“Filthy…?” Rob replied, looking down indignantly at his horrible tie, frowning.

“Oh, for god’s sake Rob…”

“But you said you liked it…”

“Stop being such a baby “Said the head scientist. Then he turned to others, sighed, and said, dejectedly “Come on boys, lets send this poor bastard back home.” He sat down, put his hand on his forehead, sighed again, and added “Seriously, a green tie, that’s the only difference?”

But, sometimes, small differences are all that are needed.

Because of his colleague’s reactions to his tie, Rob went to the Landry mat two days earlier, he literally ran into the women who would become of his wife. A few years latter, they would have a son, who would even latter, be orphaned when his mother died of cancer, and his father was killed in a classified incident involving a bus full of female Marlin Brando impersonators, a pack of rampaging bull squirrels, and a few galleons of lemon-flavored lubricate. Inspired by their memories, the son (let’s call him “Carl”) vowed to live a life of scientific advancement, and rampant hedonism (that last one was more of the result of a lack of supervision than anything else.) When he reached adulthood, he developed and tested the first faster-than-light speed spaceship, and made first contact with an alien species (but more importantly, got kicked out the red light district in Amsterdam. That takes talent). The Aliens had evolved into physical perfection, which was ironically killing them, as their immune systems attack even helpful bacteria. However, their salvation lay deep inside Carl’s loins, as one the many STDs he carried as powerful enough to knock down the alien’s immune systems to tolerable levels. Their species saved, the aliens joined forces with mankind and created a utopian empire that would make Gene Rodenberry shit himself.

However, in the universe were Rob wore the nice blue tie to work, Carl was never born, and humankind remained Erath bound, until most of the species was destroyed in the nuclear exchange following a series of drunken phone sex calls by the American president to all other nuclear-powered nations.

The radioactive planet remained nearly uninhibited, until the last survivors of alien species (separate from the other unnamed alien species) found it. After countless of centuries of searching for a home, generations of hoping, wishing, and seeking across the endless stars had come to an end. But the second they stepped out of their ship, into the bright, shinning light of their new world, ready to start anew, ready to recognize their dreams, and rebuild their once glorious race, they were attacked by the mutated remains of mankind, vicious creatures, and the descendants of a family who prided themselves on embracing ever hill-billy stereotype imaginable (they were saved from the nuclear fires by being locked in the vault backstage at the Jerry Springer show). The sub-humans quickly tour apart the aliens, and latter skinned to make incest mats (the less said the better).

And so, in one universe, specie was saved and mankind ascended to god-like paragons, and in another, specie destroyed and mankind reduced to savagery and inaccurate southern stereotypes.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Aparnetily, I'm a Master Detecive and my own Sucssor

I Took Some "Death Note" Perisonality quizs

Here's the results:

EDIT: Why did I Think this was worth sharing? And I didn't I size it right? The World will never know....
I Took a Superhero perisonality quiz and a Supervillian Personality Quiz Here are the results:

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom
Dr. Doom
Mr. Freeze
The Joker
Lex Luthor
Poison Ivy
Green Goblin
Dark Phoenix
Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

The Flash
Green Lantern
Wonder Woman
Iron Man

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009



Saturday, May 16, 2009

That's Two thing off my list of things I have to do before I Die...

Today when I went to see Angles & Demons, the film melted during the last 10-ish minutes.
While waiting for the replacement reel, I got to make shadow puppets using the projector, in front of about 5-or-7 dozen people, and "saved the film" according to the guy 3 seats over who kept asking for nachos.(Okay, it I did it for about 5 seconds but it's the princapal of the matter, Right?)
We latter got free movie passes

And yesterday, I stole a garbage can. It was fulfilling.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Shocking, isn't it?

Last night, I looked up "masturbation" on wikipedia.
Apparently I've been Doing it all Wrong, All this time

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Best video game based band sence the Minibosses

These Fine gentlemen are The Protomen

Their clam to nerd fame is remarking the video game " Mega man" as a Rock opera .

Let me let that sink in a little.

Mega man.

As an Orwellian Rock Opera.

So you can understand how wonderfully insane that is, this is Mega man

And these are a few images and posters about/for your standard Rock operas

And Yet, it works freakishly well. It has ispired me to create a Wicked-esque reimaging of "Where in the world is Carmon SanDiego? "

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Watchmen: A one-sentence review (not really)

It's more violent than the source material, and considering that Alan Moore had Captain Nemo gunning down men with a Harpoon Machine Gun in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, that's saying something.

(Actually, I liked the movie, I thought it hit all the major points of the graphic novel in the under 4 hours they had, even it did seem abridged at some moments. However, They added some unnecessary Foreshadowing, and cut out all the Non-Super-people Shenanigans, But thous will be in the Director's cut. The actors-especially the ones who played Doctor Manhattan and Rorshach- were exclient, and it had one of the best goddamn opening credits ever. ***1/2 out of *****)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

This made me fell all warm and fuzzy on the inside

From xckd (Click for a better view)

I heard this playing in my head when I got to the last panel

I tell people what to read Vol. 1: Fell

A while back Warren Ellis and Ben Templesmith did a great comic Called Fell ( First issue here)

Now, I don't Know about you, But I hate coming in mid series or mid arc, not understanding what's going on. ( Which why I usually wait for the trades or take a massive wikiapedia Dump)

So I'm going to tell you everything you need to know about Fell so you won't be lost: Detective Richard Fell is exiled to snowtown, the worst burg in the city and has to deal with near-or-totally-mad-residents.

That's it. That's all you need to know.

Each issue is a stand-alone story ( a rarity nowadays), 16-pages long, and can be read in any order, as long as you're some-what aware of the premise, which I just told you.

And that' not the best part.

The Best part is that's a well-written, well-illustrated comic, that's only $1.99.

In a day and age with an extra dollar being slapped on every issue and hardcovers being released 4 months before the paperback trades, Ellis and Templesmith give you madness as only they can deliver without vampiricly sucking it out your wallet.

Sadly, Fell has stopped coming out, as Mr Ellis is going through a "Holy-Shit-I'm-getting-older-and- must-get-my-ideas-out before-die"phase, and has a million other projects he's working on, but do to it's low price, you could probably get the whole series for under 30 dollars. Or you could just get the tades.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Comic reviews: Spoliers, and you might want to google "Shazam!"

I went to the comic store today.

And I will annoy you endlessly about what I bought, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Fanastic Four #564

The Four Visit Reed's Scottish cousin Hamish in his Small, Peaceful , Nothing-every-happens-here-Except-the-stuff-we-cover-up town For Christmas.

None of Reeds telephone gizmo's works

Their is a zero crime rate

A women tries to talk about to Sue about her kids' safety and is quickly dismissed as the local crazy women( a surprisingly young crazy women. She must of been a prodigy at Stock Horror story character academy. She than apprenticed under the greatest "crazy-but-right" character of all, Crazy Ralph from Friday the 13Th )

The police lay animals to rest in the human graveyard.

Hamish's Face gets Dramatically Shaded when they start talking about going to church

Nobody finds any of this odd.

Granted, this is the FF. This must seem Down-right clam compared to what they usually deal with.

Sue: Um, Reed? I think to locals are going to sacrifice Our kids to some ancient, evil, deity.

Reed: That's nice. But you know those tube socks you like? I found an eight-pack. For half off.

Sue: Awesome.

(The idea of Susan Richards, the most motherly mom in all of Marvel-Dom saying awesome makes me giggle. Go figure)

Anyway: I give it ***1/2 out of *****. It's good, for a set-up for what is basically The Shadow over Innsmouth, But with Superheros and a lot less racism. And in Scotland. And no Fish-men. Probably. Don't Quote me on that.

Justice Society of America 24

Billy leads to the JSA to The Rock of Eternity, were Isis and Black Adam are talking. I like the role-reversal between the two, As Isis is the anger, vengeful one ( Getting killed by Death and having your Brother eaten by a talking Crocodile will do that to you) And Black Adam is the calm, reasonably one( or rather, wanting Isis to go back to being the person who'd stop Adam from ripping a dude's arm off, instead of being the kind of person who advocates it).

They Talk, they fight, Billy gets thrown into the mist surrounding the Rock, gets rescued by the Flash, But the Flash gets lost in the mist. Billy and Courtney get separated form the group and run into the now-evil Mary Marvel

Okay, fan boy rant time, be warned.

I Hate Evil Mary Marvel

I was Fine with Bill becoming the Guardian of the Rock of Eternity after the Wizard's Death.

I was fine with Freddy Freeman becoming the Captain Marvel/Shazam/whatever, after all he did call himself Captain Marvel Jr., makes sense that he'd get a promotion with Bill

But Evil Mary Marvel? Maybe It's just that i hate Heroes-turn-evil stories, or maybe it's because I used be a Marvel Family Fan boy, But that just seamed Dumb. Could DC just not think of any thing better to do with the character?

It's not even clear how show became evil. Did Black Adam's powers corrupter her? Was she Body-jacked by an evil God? Both? Why didn't Bill try harder to stop her from going nuts?

Luckily, this story seems to be clearing that up.

Anyhow, The Flash is guided through the Mist by a voice, that turns out to be Billy's Dead Dad, who can help if Flash comes to The Rock of Finality, with next issue promising "the Seven Vital Virtues of Man!"

The Characters Geoff Jones is Focusing on-Stargirl, Atom Smasher, Black Adam, Captain Marvel, and Power girl, plus the three old men-are characters who he helped developed, or in Star girl's case, created. It's very fitting as these is his swan song after writing all the currant volume, and co-writer a lot of the 80+ Previous volume

I give it a ***** out of ***** if you're a JSA Fan, and a **** if you are a causal reader .

New Avengers 50

Our heroes start off watching Norman Osborn, Former Green Goblin-turned-Head Honcho-of America's super people unveil his team of Dark Avengers (t.m.) , using the identities and costumes of some of the Real Avengers, which miffs them to no end, especially Clint, the Former-Hawkeye-now-Ronin II, who spent most of Career in the Avengers.

It's the equivalent of having a really nice house, going a way for a month, and coming back not only to discover that a random stranger had a party there, he also put cyanide in the beer keg .

(thought here, if the first Ronin was girl pretending to be a scary male ninja, Does this make Clint a Cross-Cross Dresser?)

(Another thought, Norman must have the Greatest publicist of all time. We can't forget that Tom Cruise jumping on a couch, but every one in the Marvel universe forgot that the previous high point of Norman's life was pushing a 17-year-old girl off a bridge).

So, they come up with a clever plan! Lure Osborn and his thug, turn on some Stark De-powering Doohickeys, and get them to confess mid-battle, like all good villains.

But Osborn's a clever Bastard. Instead of his team going to fight them, He sends The Hood's gang of super-villains after them! The fight drawn by a different artist each, focusing on thoughts of a different character( i.e. Spider-man reflecting on the fact that when he finally joins the avengers, they have no fame money or awesome butlers, Mocking Bird enjoying an old fashion villain-bashin' after being cooped up in a skrull ship, Spider-women feeling shitty about how an evil alien empire used her face for an invasion and now this happens etc.)

After narrowly winning the Fight, Clint goes a fries the biggest Goddamn Bullet he can find at Osborn: The Media

2 Problems with the art: 1) it uses the panels with the dialog changed. I expect that from web comics, pros. And 2) Greg Horn' s art is awful. He should stick to doing covers

Overall, I give it ****1/2 out of *****

BTW, I got the awusome Alex Ross cover for JSA, not the one I'd shown here. sorry.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Google searches by the numbers

Today, i Decided to rip off a xkcd strip(http:// some random google searches. Here's what I got:

Results For:

Died in a monkey-related incident: 109

Died in a marshmallow-related incident: 10

Died in a bunny-related incident: 151,000 (Mostly involving the Death of trespassers at the play-boy mansion)

Died in a cheese-related incident: 1,270

Died in a video game-related incident: 3,150

Died in a Nazis-related incident: 34

Died in a James bond-related incident: 353 (Mostly Hench person Death announcements)