Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Santa Clause Question

My sister was watching The Santa Clause (staring Tim Allen), and a thought came upon me:
In Santa Clause movies, adults never believe in Santa Clause, despite the fact that, in the movie's reality, Santa Clause DOES exist and DOES fly around the world giving kids presents.

Which leads me to my question: Why don't these people realize that Santa Clause exist? I mean, where do they think the presents-that didn't buy, and yet somehow appear under the tree on Christmas morning -come form? What are they told? Do they think that government welfare ninja's break into their homes and deliver the gifts? Is it a case of mass denial? Or mass cover-up? Why would the governments of the world refuse to acknowledge Santa's existence? I'm mean, I could understand non-Christian theocratic nations, like Iran, or Atheist communist nations like the Soviet union, but why everywhere else? Do they just not like admitting that thousand-year old fat man can slip past all their security measures and Defenses?

Or is it something else? Could it be that whatever mystic mumbo-jumbo Santa uses to travel around the world in one night and get in to any house also alter the memories of parents so that they think that they bought the gifts? What about physical proof, like used wrapping paper and gift receipts and other physical evidence, such as video footage of them buying the presents? Are those just hyper real hallucinations, or can the spell alter reality as well? If so, why would St. Nick go out of his way to deny himself credit? Hell, if you can change the past, why even bother going around the world in the first place, if you can alter history so that the gifts you're going to deliver are already there? Why did I write two whole paragraphs containing nothing but questions?

I've put too much thought in to this

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I cross the Nerd Event Horizon

Yesterday, Me and a few of my friends played Risus: The Anything RPG, (Which is complete free). Now, the main reason I've never played Rpgs before was cost ( "Why do I have to buy six $30.00 rulebooks and $10.00 wroth of dice, when they're just going to replace it with a new edition in two years anyway?") , generic settings("oh, not another goddamn ork") and too much math based rules ( "I just want to stab a dragon in the face, not do long division !).

Risus solves all this problems-the rule book is only seven pages long(and free) it can easily be adapted to any setting(and it's free) and it's easy to play( and did I much it's free?) and it's F*&#ing nuts.
This is a game were you can be an drunk ninja fairy princess as long as you can justify it, or at lest be really funny.

Come on, in our game, my friend killed an interdenominational demon by shoving incests candles into it's open wounds and lighting them, causing an explosion.

I got to jet-pack tackle a robot out of an airship window!
Serious, I gave you a link -go right now!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Cap's looking pretty good

Here's the walk through for the upcoming Captain America: Super-solder game:

Some thoughts:
-The Combat reminds me of Arkaham Asylum, not that that's a bad thing
-The platforming, on the other hand, reminds me of King Kong game, or the new Prince of Persia , in the "you technically can't fall' thing
-WWII Arnim Zola-honestly,who else would it be?- sounds like a Dalek
-Why does Cap's face look like a horse stepped over him? And He's a bit chubby

Saturday, October 9, 2010


...Or as he's called in japan...Starfish Hitler

Japan, this makes up for all the tentacle porn. It really dose

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Asking the wrong expert

Here's the teaser trailer for the up coming movie Skylight(that you've all probably seen):

Looks looks good, but seriously, you're asking Stephen Hawking on advice on first alien contact? I know he's the smartest man on Earth, but He's a physicist. This isn't the area of his expertise. If you wanted to know how to find out which stars have earth-sized planets orbiting by looking at their wobble , call him. But for dealing with what lives there? Shouldn't you call a sociologist or an Astor-biologist or something?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Images's of Horror

Here's a poster for the new Yogi Bear movie:

And now, My reaction:


....I don't like it.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

If this is true, then this is the best thing I've ever seen

I found this on the inter-webs

That, dear reader, is why Superman is the greatest superhero of all-time

Sunday, June 27, 2010

List, movies, and possible sexism

So, awhile back, a friend of my made a list of what kind of women cretin movies would be

And now, I share the list with you, you lucky bastards!

Blade Runner: Goth chick

Avatar: Surprisingly well-groomed hippie chick

The Star Wars Series: Hot chick who was kind of frumpy in high school

Shaun of the Dead: Nice, normal, closeted Romero fan girl

The Matrix: Leather fetishist/ philosophy major

Transformers: Piercings up the wahzoo

Titanic: Overly romantic, pudgy, middle age women

Die Hard : The best office Christmas party one night stand anybody ever had

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: Nice night out, but kept prolonging leaving

Jurassic Park: Hot paleontologist

Indiana Jones: Harrison Ford (Not that I"m suggesting that Mr.Ford is a lady, I'm saying that in his prime, he could tempt a man away from Heterosexuality-Hell, he could do that now)

Casablanca: Old flame

Back to the Future: Your mama

Casino Royal: Scary, yet hot younger sister of your ex.

Dr. Strangelove: Nazi/soviet Fetish model

Airplane: Shirley

Godzilla franchise : Anti-nuclear protester that gets into an insane amount of bar fights.

Jaws: enjoys skinny dipping

E.T.: Your cute, 5-year-old cousin

Terminator: Emotionless body builder (or alternately, Summer Glau)

Army of Darkness: The manliness woman you've ever met in the hardware store

Home Alone: Lives in a compound, alone in the middle of the Utah wilderness

Saturday, June 26, 2010

I also have very strange ideas on what constitutes "Evil"

After much thought and philosophical musing, I have come to this concussion:

Unicorns are evil

Think about, in most stories, only virgins can ride unicorns, right? So, this discourages reproduction-because only way little girls (or boys-I'm not sure how this works, really) can ride-and keep on riding this majestic creatures is to never have kids therefore reducing the population of mankind

Unicorns are clearly demonic creatures from the depths of hell! Or agents of an alien conquer! Or the devil, I guess.

I've put too much thought into this

Friday, June 11, 2010

I have very different standards of 'cute'

Okay, here's a poster for the new horror film Splice

Now, it's a great poster, but it seems to me the creature is less 'horrifying' and more...well, cute.

Maybe it's just me, but when I look at this poster I don't think "oh my god, what is that horrible creature?" , I think "Ah, whose a cute little sin against nature? You are! Yes, You are!"

Maybe it's the dress