Thursday, May 24, 2012

Mysteries of the marvel universe episode 1: Of pants and hulks

Of all the bizarre wonders and urine-spilling terrors of the marvel universes, their is none more incredible then Bruce Banner's rampaging alter-ego. But one question about the irradiated behemoth has always linger in the mind of people with far too much time on their hands: what the hell's up with the hulk's pants? They always grow to the with him while every other scrap of cloths is shredded, and their always purple, no matter  what color Banner's original pants.
It's almost as if  the universe is trying to spear/deny us a look at the hulk's pulsating member (unless we're counting the ultimate universe, which were not, because fuck Mark Miller that's why) .
Anyhow, to answer this age old  riddle, we must turn to marvel's first family: The Fantastic Four. Now, the Four make most of their money off Reed's patents, right? and what's one of Reed's most known inventions?  Nigh-unbreakable fabric made out of unstable molecules.
 And who better to take advantage of this discovery than the fashion industry? Now, It's probably too expensive to make regular civilian cloths out of unstable molecules, but whose to say that they couldn't mix a bit of the stuff in with the regular martial for increased durability?
 Perhaps gamma radiation reacts adversely with these trace amount of unstable molecules , turning the pigment of the fabric purple. Perhaps I should   stop taking request from my friends on what to write about. Perhaps I should invest in a bomb shelter and power rangers memorabilia. Perhaps I should  stop asking the internet   

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